Soccer

It twinkled and sparkled in the sun as the players stood in organised patterns around it, on the pitch. Gavin Hag, of the Under 14E Soccer team, stood on the sideline, ready for anything. Sure, he was a reserve, but he was going to reserve the hell out of them. Gavin wasn't exactly a good soccer player. His average for the season was three own goals, which he celebrated by lying face down in the mud and had everyone pointing and laughing at him. His mother always told him that winning wasn't everything and that one must always try one's best, but she also told him that if you undo your belly button you will deflate. Gavin didn't always listen to his mother.

"Hag! Hey, Hag!" came a shout from the field, interrupting his train of thought. Someone was lying on his back, holding his leg, making sounds that suggested he had a fatal injury. Gavin, who had been jumping up and down like a five-foot boxer, now ran onto the field, stumbling over nothing in particular. The injured boy, who was now being taken off, had been playing centre midfield, where Gavin now stood. He started shouting things like, "Let's go, boys!" and "Heads up, guys!" He received friendly responses like "Shut up, Hag!" and "Just don't touch the ball."

Most living things on earth have developed some kind of defence mechanisms. Gavin's ingenious development was as follows: he turned red and ignored them.

After twenty minutes of running up and down and passing to the opposition, he actually passed to the wing, who then ran up to the touchline. With careful calculations and weighing up of the situation, Gavin concluded that he was going to cross it. He ran into the box.The ball soared through the air as if Sir Isaac Newton had simply chosen Home Economics instead of Physics and made laws about the consistency of yeast. Gavin jumped awkwardly, with his foot out, and completely failed to connect with the ball. He then realised that Newton was not a complete idiot and began to fall headfirst.

Head first - well placed ball - lazy goal keeper - goalposts. Gavin lay face down in the mud with an extremely dirty smile.